mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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