The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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