I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
