Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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