Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
