Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
