I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
