Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
