Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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