After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize