i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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