You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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