I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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