She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
