I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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