i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
