if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
