Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
