The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
