Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
