I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
