she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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