And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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