You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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