Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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