matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
