If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
