You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
