You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
