can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
