Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it because I queefed?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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