I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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