you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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