mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
