i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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