wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
