:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
