Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
