what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Houston, we have a squirter
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
