Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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