dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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