in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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