You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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