I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
