theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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