I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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