im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
