mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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