I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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