where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
