Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You are the jesus of drinking
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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