6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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