You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
