Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
