can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
