would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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