Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
