Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
