I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
