If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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