is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
