I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
