so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
is that a dick in a sweater?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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