i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
